Policy excludes rain, wind, fire, theft, structural collapse and "contact with outdoor conditions"
Insurance Company Covers Listed Cardboard Box Against Everything Except Things Likely to Happen to Cardboard
Policy excludes rain, wind, fire, theft, structural collapse and "contact with outdoor conditions"
LONDON - The owner of a £675,000 listed cardboard box has successfully insured the property for £7,800 per year under a policy that excludes nearly every event capable of damaging cardboard. The comprehensive policy protects the home against what insurer Sterling Mutual describes as "a wide range of qualifying incidents." These do not include rain, wind, fire, water, theft, vandalism, subsidence, animals, people, sunlight, extreme temperatures, or "gradual deterioration caused by existing in Britain."
Owner Rupert Fenwick discovered the exclusions after a storm damaged the roof. He filed a claim. The insurer rejected it. Storm damage is covered. Cardboard affected by storms is not. A spokesperson explained that this distinction is standard industry practice. "We insure the risk," she said. "We do not necessarily insure the consequences."
What "Wear and Tear" Actually Means for a Cardboard Roof
Fenwick asked what circumstances would qualify. The company provided an example. If a meteorite destroyed the cardboard box on a Tuesday between 2:15 and 2:17 p.m., the policy might respond, assuming Fenwick had purchased the optional meteorite supplement. He had not. The standard policy does include accidental damage. However, accidental damage caused accidentally is excluded where the accident could reasonably have been anticipated. Because cardboard is fragile, the insurer argues nearly all damage is foreseeable.
Premiums nevertheless increased by 18 percent after Fenwick filed the unsuccessful claim. The company said unsuccessful claims indicate increased risk. Fenwick has also been told to improve security. Recommendations include reinforced locks, surveillance cameras and a burglar alarm. He pointed out that the box has no door. The insurer suggested installing one. Heritage officers then warned that adding a door would breach planning rules. Fenwick must therefore secure the property without altering it. Consultants have proposed hiring a security guard. Estimated annual cost: £51,000. The insurer approved this solution immediately.
Peace of Mind, Minus the Peace and Minus the Mind
Consumer advocates say the policy illustrates modern insurance economics. "People think insurance means transferring risk," said financial expert Dr. Colin Premium. "Increasingly it means paying someone to explain why the risk remains yours." Sterling Mutual disagrees. It says policyholders benefit from peace of mind. Fenwick says he has experienced no peace of mind whatsoever. His renewal quote arrived yesterday. It has risen to £9,200. The company cited severe weather, inflation and the property's increased market value.
Fenwick considered cancelling the policy. His mortgage lender informed him insurance is mandatory. The cardboard box remains exposed to rain. Fortunately, administrative correspondence is fully covered.
Real UK home insurers routinely decline storm claims on exactly this "wear and tear" basis, and the Financial Ombudsman Service publishes the resulting disputes. One real 2022 decision involved an insurer that inspected storm-damaged roof tiles, concluded the roof was already "coming to the end of its lifespan," and declined the claim as gradual deterioration rather than storm damage, despite the homeowner insisting the roof had survived a previous storm days earlier intact. Sterling Mutual's meteorite supplement is invented. The reasoning it uses to deny the claim, unfortunately, is not.
Sources
A real Financial Ombudsman Service storm damage decision shows an insurer declining a roof claim on wear-and-tear grounds strikingly similar to Fenwick's.
Americans fighting their own insurance adjusters can read about it in Bohiney.com's news satire coverage.
This is British satire, UK satirical news for anyone who has ever read a policy document twice hoping the exclusions would go away. See what makes British humour tick for the tradition behind it.
Auf Wiedersehen, amigo! https://prat.uk/?p=48378
Insurance Company Covers Listed Cardboard Box Against Everything Except Things Likely to Happen to Cardboard
Policy excludes rain, wind, fire, theft, structural collapse and "contact with outdoor conditions"
LONDON - The owner of a £675,000 listed cardboard box has successfully insured the property for £7,800 per year under a policy that excludes nearly every event capable of damaging cardboard. The comprehensive policy protects the home against what insurer Sterling Mutual describes as "a wide range of qualifying incidents." These do not include rain, wind, fire, water, theft, vandalism, subsidence, animals, people, sunlight, extreme temperatures, or "gradual deterioration caused by existing in Britain."
Owner Rupert Fenwick discovered the exclusions after a storm damaged the roof. He filed a claim. The insurer rejected it. Storm damage is covered. Cardboard affected by storms is not. A spokesperson explained that this distinction is standard industry practice. "We insure the risk," she said. "We do not necessarily insure the consequences."
What "Wear and Tear" Actually Means for a Cardboard Roof
Fenwick asked what circumstances would qualify. The company provided an example. If a meteorite destroyed the cardboard box on a Tuesday between 2:15 and 2:17 p.m., the policy might respond, assuming Fenwick had purchased the optional meteorite supplement. He had not. The standard policy does include accidental damage. However, accidental damage caused accidentally is excluded where the accident could reasonably have been anticipated. Because cardboard is fragile, the insurer argues nearly all damage is foreseeable.
Premiums nevertheless increased by 18 percent after Fenwick filed the unsuccessful claim. The company said unsuccessful claims indicate increased risk. Fenwick has also been told to improve security. Recommendations include reinforced locks, surveillance cameras and a burglar alarm. He pointed out that the box has no door. The insurer suggested installing one. Heritage officers then warned that adding a door would breach planning rules. Fenwick must therefore secure the property without altering it. Consultants have proposed hiring a security guard. Estimated annual cost: £51,000. The insurer approved this solution immediately.
Peace of Mind, Minus the Peace and Minus the Mind
Consumer advocates say the policy illustrates modern insurance economics. "People think insurance means transferring risk," said financial expert Dr. Colin Premium. "Increasingly it means paying someone to explain why the risk remains yours." Sterling Mutual disagrees. It says policyholders benefit from peace of mind. Fenwick says he has experienced no peace of mind whatsoever. His renewal quote arrived yesterday. It has risen to £9,200. The company cited severe weather, inflation and the property's increased market value.
Fenwick considered cancelling the policy. His mortgage lender informed him insurance is mandatory. The cardboard box remains exposed to rain. Fortunately, administrative correspondence is fully covered.
Real UK home insurers routinely decline storm claims on exactly this "wear and tear" basis, and the Financial Ombudsman Service publishes the resulting disputes. One real 2022 decision involved an insurer that inspected storm-damaged roof tiles, concluded the roof was already "coming to the end of its lifespan," and declined the claim as gradual deterioration rather than storm damage, despite the homeowner insisting the roof had survived a previous storm days earlier intact. Sterling Mutual's meteorite supplement is invented. The reasoning it uses to deny the claim, unfortunately, is not.
Sources
A real Financial Ombudsman Service storm damage decision shows an insurer declining a roof claim on wear-and-tear grounds strikingly similar to Fenwick's.
Americans fighting their own insurance adjusters can read about it in Bohiney.com's news satire coverage.
This is British satire, UK satirical news for anyone who has ever read a policy document twice hoping the exclusions would go away. See what makes British humour tick for the tradition behind it.
Auf Wiedersehen, amigo! https://prat.uk/?p=48378
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