Railway regulator warns that allowing additional passengers to reach their destinations could disrupt carefully maintained national timetable of delays and apologies
LONDON - Britain's railway regulators have rejected proposals for new direct services between London and several major towns, after concluding that putting additional trains on railway tracks could interfere with the operation of the railway.
Plans for direct services connecting London with Wrexham and Rochdale have been refused by the Office of Rail and Road because of capacity pressures on the West Coast Main Line, The Guardian reported. Additional London-Blackpool services were also turned down.
The regulator explained that the already congested railway needs enough timetable flexibility to recover from disruption, and that adding more trains could make existing services less reliable. The ruling has exposed a deeper problem with Britain's transport ambitions. The country would like more people to use trains, but is worried that additional trains might complicate matters.
West Coast Main Line Capacity: Railway Requires Empty Spaces to Accommodate Expected Delays
The modern British railway timetable is a remarkable document. It describes a theoretical transport network in which trains leave at specified times, arrive at designated destinations and sometimes contain enough free seats for the people who bought tickets. The actual railway runs on a somewhat different philosophy. Trains are delayed by signalling problems, staff shortages, mechanical failures, weather and the occasional unexpected discovery involving leaves.
The regulator's decision reflects a genuine operational concern, which is that crowded lines need recovery time after something goes wrong. The resulting logic nevertheless has a certain British elegance: to improve the reliability of train services, the country must stop some train services from existing. Network Rail, which looks after the track, has long pointed out that the West Coast Main Line is one of the busiest mixed-use railways in Europe, and the regulator has now taken it at its word.
The ultimate expression of the approach would be a network that ran no passenger trains whatsoever. Delays would disappear and cancellations would become administratively unnecessary. Customer complaints would fall, because there would be no customers, and the railway could announce a punctuality rate of 100%, provided nobody insisted that the trains actually go anywhere.
Wrexham Train Service Refused as Hollywood Discovers Town Easier to Reach From California Than London
The decision is another complication for Wrexham, whose football club has enjoyed international attention since its Hollywood-backed transformation. Ryan Reynolds and Rob McElhenney helped turn a Welsh football story into a global entertainment enterprise, and Wrexham AFC now sells merchandise to people who have never heard of the Racecourse Ground.
Arranging a direct train to the town appears to demand a level of organisational sophistication beyond that needed to make a successful television series, sell shirts across several continents and attract American tourists. Visitors from London will consequently find that reaching Wrexham means changing trains, working out unfamiliar platforms and developing a mature philosophical attitude towards connection times. A visiting supporter from Ohio, who gave his name only as Dale, said he had flown eight hours from Columbus and then spent another four on the journey from London, and that he had really only been surprised by one of those two numbers.
Rochdale faces similar difficulties. Residents seeking better direct links to the capital have been told that the railway is too busy with existing journeys to make room for more of them. Transport Focus, the passenger watchdog, regularly surveys travellers on what they want from the network, and a direct train to where they live tends to feature.
Rail Regulator Approves Empty Train Previously Considered Suitable for Travelling Without Passengers
In one particularly British development, the regulator approved an extra evening London-to-Chester service, using a train that would otherwise have travelled north without ordinary passengers. The decision follows earlier controversy over passenger services being restricted even though the trains had to make the journey anyway for logistical reasons.
Transport campaigners have raised several reasonable questions. If the vehicle is already going, could passengers be allowed on board? If passengers are allowed on board, could the operator collect fares? And if fares are collected, might the railway accidentally begin to function as a transport business?
Britain's railway strategy now depends on reconciling three competing ambitions, which are more passengers, better reliability and no additional train movements. Ministers may eventually find that achieving all three needs more infrastructure rather than more meetings. Until then commuters will carry on enjoying the traditional British transport experience, which is paying a substantial sum of money for the opportunity to learn why something cannot happen.
The government's commitment to improving connectivity remains unwavering. It is the actual connections that present the difficulty.
Five Humorous Observations
- The regulator says more trains would make the trains less reliable. That's the best excuse I've ever heard. I'd be on time if I didn't have to go anywhere.
- They've got an empty train going to Chester. They've got the train, they've got the track, they've got people on the platform with tickets, and the train goes, no, not tonight. It's a restaurant that cooks your dinner and walks it past you to the bin.
- Wrexham has Hollywood owners, so Ryan Reynolds can get there from Los Angeles and you can't get there from Euston.
- They blame the leaves. Leaves have been falling for ten million years. Autumn is the only thing on the timetable that's never late.
- A 100% punctuality rate is totally possible. All you have to do is cancel every train. It's like my diet. Technically perfect, nobody's happy.
Satire: this article is parody built on the reporting linked above. Dale from Ohio and the reactions are invented, though the connection times will feel familiar. While you wait for your replacement bus, browse other news satire sites or catch up on more satirical news from the UK, both of which leave on time. https://prat.uk/?p=51816
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